My running total for 2009 weddings is
(DRUM ROLL****here)......$1,950.
I've yet to actually attend any.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
Fianced by Facebook
It's an epidemic...fianced by facebook. It's those distance friends, the ones you only disclose your all night benders to through a photo montage. Your "friend" who you initialed befriended in 2005 because you needed people to populate your friend tally. And there on the news feed - engaged.
Do you congratulate them or duck behind your desk hoping they don't see you. Because if they see you they may re-engage in communication. Is it just me, or do people reach out after they get engaged...maybe they are trying to up their wedding friend tally. I prefer to be hired as a wedding seat filler, not fake friended. Umph!
Do you congratulate them or duck behind your desk hoping they don't see you. Because if they see you they may re-engage in communication. Is it just me, or do people reach out after they get engaged...maybe they are trying to up their wedding friend tally. I prefer to be hired as a wedding seat filler, not fake friended. Umph!
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Strippers and Champagne
I have heard that it is the bride's objective to ensure that her ladies in waiting falter in comparison to said bride on her day. So I ask you: why are most of the bridesmaid dress models strippers and Fredrick's of Hollywood rejects?
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Living on the edge
I had a conversation with the bridal dress "lady". We were instructed to give her our measurements and in turn she assigns you a dreaded number (aka a dress size). Apparently they round up when you are on the easement of one size vs. another. Maybe I don't want to be rounder or rounded up. Maybe I intend to lose those last 5 pounds, the ones that I've intended to lose for the last 5 years and the last 5 weddings I was in - maybe...
When we were in school rounding up was a good thing, it equalled more. I despise rounding up now.
When we were in school rounding up was a good thing, it equalled more. I despise rounding up now.
Monday, March 2, 2009
She's a Brick...houuussee.
Like ever other LDBm (Long Distance Bridesmaid), I too had to call in my numbers; the numbers you keep more secret than you Social Security numbers. You can have my identity (credit's not that good anyway), but never my waist to hip ratio.
I think from now on I'm just going to hold the phone up to speakers while playing The Commodores. I wonder what size a 36-24-36 gets you...
I think from now on I'm just going to hold the phone up to speakers while playing The Commodores. I wonder what size a 36-24-36 gets you...
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Giving it up for Lent
So I have this friend...we'll call her Zena.
Zena is in the same boat as me, attending (or being in) weddings is our new pastime; we typically work the circuit together. She's a great gal (and friend) with a lot going for her: good job, her own place, in a relationship...
Zena's always ready - always the first one ready to go, her monogramed bakeware is ready to be cooked in, her ring file ready to be shopped from. That's right Zena has a ring file, but it is how she lives...she's just "ready". However, her readiness is not met.
Her preparedness trickles into all things weddings and quickly progresses to babies and so follows her conversations. Most conversations hit the following topics: wedding, wedding shower, babysitting, babies, where's my wedding?
Zena is different though...she realized her "readiness" was taking over her life. So for Lent, my dear Zena gave up wedding speak - she vows to no longer speak of weddings regarding how they could/do relate to her. Similar to a 12 Step program, my gal is kicking the habitual female habit to long for what surrounds you.
Let's hope she does better than Lindsey Lohan.
Zena is in the same boat as me, attending (or being in) weddings is our new pastime; we typically work the circuit together. She's a great gal (and friend) with a lot going for her: good job, her own place, in a relationship...
Zena's always ready - always the first one ready to go, her monogramed bakeware is ready to be cooked in, her ring file ready to be shopped from. That's right Zena has a ring file, but it is how she lives...she's just "ready". However, her readiness is not met.
Her preparedness trickles into all things weddings and quickly progresses to babies and so follows her conversations. Most conversations hit the following topics: wedding, wedding shower, babysitting, babies, where's my wedding?
Zena is different though...she realized her "readiness" was taking over her life. So for Lent, my dear Zena gave up wedding speak - she vows to no longer speak of weddings regarding how they could/do relate to her. Similar to a 12 Step program, my gal is kicking the habitual female habit to long for what surrounds you.
Let's hope she does better than Lindsey Lohan.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
An alarming trend: they wed in pairs...
As I flip through my mental card catalogue of weddings to come, I stumbled upon an alarming trend - they're marrying in pairs. As if the wedding worlds aligned- there are some mystical similarities between my brides:
- 2 with husbands (grooms) with the same first name
- 2 with the same shade of required bridesmaid's shoes
- 2 with the same color bridesmaid's dress (yes, I am still buying two)
- 2 with the same first name
- 2 more with grooms with the same first name
Coincidence, or a new attempt by our brides to cause even more confusion...ummmmm?
- 2 with husbands (grooms) with the same first name
- 2 with the same shade of required bridesmaid's shoes
- 2 with the same color bridesmaid's dress (yes, I am still buying two)
- 2 with the same first name
- 2 more with grooms with the same first name
Coincidence, or a new attempt by our brides to cause even more confusion...ummmmm?
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
I have a wedding folder
I have a folder on my gmail account that collects wedding tidbits. When the brides perform their monthly, weekly... sometimes daily email blasts - I read, label and archive. Similar to stop, drop, and roll, it prevents getting burned when the brides quiz you on wedding factoids.
All together now: read, label, archive.
All together now: read, label, archive.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Bridal Shoe Affirmative Action: is this a case of color profiling?
It is a widely known fact that I, in fact, own a lot of shoes. They are the icing to my cake, the cream to my coffee, yada yada yada - I like shoes. I am an equal opportunity shoe freak; I have more of an array of heights and colors than Brad and Ang have kids...what I don't have is what my brides need.
I will be purchasing shoes in the coming months that I am certain my brides conferenced about. Impressively enough, or through the use of a iPhone App, they were able to track the shoes I have worn (similar to counting cards) and select the few colors not represented in my collection. Call it a type of bridal shoe affirmative action - they want their colors worn.
I will be purchasing shoes in the coming months that I am certain my brides conferenced about. Impressively enough, or through the use of a iPhone App, they were able to track the shoes I have worn (similar to counting cards) and select the few colors not represented in my collection. Call it a type of bridal shoe affirmative action - they want their colors worn.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
The Big Squeeze
My friend at Starbucks was trying to be nice and gave me a Venti when I order a Grande.
Amanda: Wait, I ordered a Grande.
Starbucks man 1: I made you extra, go head with it.
Amanda: You don't understand, I have to be in a bridesmaid's dress in a month (yes, I said that aloud).
Starbucks man 1: Well, then don't drink it all
Amanda: But, I WILL - can I get a smaller cup?
(I leave after I realize I am arguing - I am literally rejecting free things due to wedding commitments).
Starbucks girl 1: (mutters on my way out) Ok, that has to be a first.
Amanda: Wait, I ordered a Grande.
Starbucks man 1: I made you extra, go head with it.
Amanda: You don't understand, I have to be in a bridesmaid's dress in a month (yes, I said that aloud).
Starbucks man 1: Well, then don't drink it all
Amanda: But, I WILL - can I get a smaller cup?
(I leave after I realize I am arguing - I am literally rejecting free things due to wedding commitments).
Starbucks girl 1: (mutters on my way out) Ok, that has to be a first.
A Welcome of Sorts
So it begins...
A co-worker/friend/inspiration guru observed me adding up all the costs associated with my spring to summer to early fall wedding schedule; this blog was her suggestion for an outlet. An outlet to share stories with others who may be experiencing the same emotions associated with an overworked and under-performing wallet. I have more black-out dates than an airline and they all are kept in check through a color wheel of card stock one sheeters (invitations) that tell me where to be, what to wear, and which 70 year old woman to call when I: can't be there, don't know what to wear, or need the bra size for my closest friend.
Of course, I could stop all the madness and self-inflicted pain with simple phrases of rejection: "regretfully, I can not", "I am unavailable", "I am washing my hair that day"... but I would never. They are my friends, my gal pals, and no matter how insignificant I am in the scheme of 'their day', I will be there.
A co-worker/friend/inspiration guru observed me adding up all the costs associated with my spring to summer to early fall wedding schedule; this blog was her suggestion for an outlet. An outlet to share stories with others who may be experiencing the same emotions associated with an overworked and under-performing wallet. I have more black-out dates than an airline and they all are kept in check through a color wheel of card stock one sheeters (invitations) that tell me where to be, what to wear, and which 70 year old woman to call when I: can't be there, don't know what to wear, or need the bra size for my closest friend.
Of course, I could stop all the madness and self-inflicted pain with simple phrases of rejection: "regretfully, I can not", "I am unavailable", "I am washing my hair that day"... but I would never. They are my friends, my gal pals, and no matter how insignificant I am in the scheme of 'their day', I will be there.
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